27 9 / 2014

"HERA: who is this
ZEUS: who is what
HERA: who is this naked youth
ZEUS: youre going to have to be more specific
HERA: the one at your feet
ZEUS: oh
him
what about him
HERA: where did he come from
ZEUS: where did any of us come from
you know?
could be from the sea
or my own head
or spit up by an angry snake
hard to tell
HERA: did you kidnap him for sex
ZEUS: what
no
what?
HERA: did he kidnap you for sex
ZEUS: no
he’s
my cup guy
this is Ganymede, Official Cup Holder
he holds the cups
HERA: really
ZEUS: youve been saying forever that we need a guy to hold all the cups we use
HERA: i’ve never said that
ZEUS: someones been saying it
i just thought id save us all a little trouble
HERA: why isn’t he holding any cups
ZEUS: what
HERA: if he’s the cup holder why doesn’t he have a cup to offer me
i’m thirsty
ZEUS: I’m
EARTHQUAKE
[ZEUS raises his hands and all of Mount Olympus begins to shake violently. HERA is trapped underneath a falling rock]
ZEUS: sorry babe
cant hear you over all this earthquake"

14 8 / 2014

  • 1: icarus, whatever you do, dont fly too close to the sun
  • 2:
  • 2: im gonna fuck the sun

08 7 / 2014

What do we say to the god of death?

  • 1: it pisses me off that people ignore the hymn to my mom that talks about how great we are together and instead believe this is against my will
  • 1: I mean I have you tied to the bed how would I not be into this
  • 2: please can we not talk about your mom during sex it's really uncomfortable

18 4 / 2014

hartcondition:

yzma:

zeus….. IS the father
*hera throws chair and has to be restrained by security titans*

That’s it. That’s Greek mythology.

(via stillbrightstillcolorful)

10 12 / 2012

cl-productions:

8abbott-of-odd0:

plastic-knives-and-forks:

havisham:

  • Look at this sexy Greek. 
  • He’s going to ruin everything.
  • Zeus is gonna fuck someone
  • Hera overreacts big time

everybody dies

(via forsciencejohn)

08 11 / 2012

So, as we are all aware, Zeus was a horny bastard and he happened to be married to the most bitter bitch the world has ever seen. That bitter bitch being Hera of course. Zeus needed someone on his side to help distract Hera while he went around gettin ass, and he found a sidekick in Echo. 

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25 10 / 2012

wind-voice:

I found this interesting.

wind-voice:

I found this interesting.

(via hecticglow)

03 10 / 2012

A short summary of norse myth

  • 1: Loki!
  • 2: what
  • 1:
  • 2:
  • 2: it wasn't me

18 8 / 2012

The war between the Aesir and the Vanir ended, but Asgard was still missing its surrounding, protective wall because the Vanir decided to be douchebags and raze it during the war. No one was fucking happy about this, because who the hell knew what asshole was going to come strolling up if there wasn’t a wall, but everyone was too fucking lazy to rebuild it themselves. Therefore, for a long ass time the gods all decided to bitch about the lack of the wall but do nothing the fuck about it. 

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(Source: motherfuckingmythology)

27 7 / 2012

Everyone was asleep in Asgard, which naturally made it a good time for Loki to run around being a dick. This asshole, up at way-too-fucking-late-o’clock decided that the only reasonable thing to do in this situation was to go piss off people he couldn’t handle, because no one ever told him not to pick fights he couldn’t handle. So what does this asshole do? He sneaks into Sif’s room while she’s asleep and cuts her fucking hair off. Why? Because he fucking could. To be a dick, he drops all the hair in a big pile on the floor and traipses the fuck off to go to sleep now that his work is done. 

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